Safe Sex

I'm all for safe sex. But, let me be frank: Condoms suck. Find me one guy who would prefer to wear a condom at any point in his life, much less when invited to insert his most sensitive, erogenous body part into another's moist, silken bloom. "Hold it right there, hon. Let me just unroll this car cover over my Ferrari, and then we can speed around the racetrack?" Okay. My KIA. A car cover on my KIA and then race the kids off to cello practice?

Of course you hate condoms. Everyone hates them. But that's because we've been thinking about them all wrong. You don't wear condoms for sex. You wear them for the DAY AFTER you have sex. Feel the difference as you're going through the Rolodex of offenses: Did I pull out in time? What about overly ambitious precum? Is that a burning sensation? What's that crusty stalamite growing on my shaft?

But wear that condom, and go ahead and kick your feet up. You don't have a care in the world. Sure, you couldn't cum and you kept losing your hard on. You went skin diving in a spacesuit. But, otherwise, you don't have a care in the world. But you don't have AIDS. That's pretty special, too.