Aspiring Model Food Pyramid

Hallmark Cards

Before this partial list of "Special Day Series" celebratory greetings can be submitted to the Hallmark R&D department, I'm currently searching for an artist to properly illustrate them. I've been told, they will be wildly popular with select audiences.

• Lamenting your XY chromosomal status on your special day.
• Drink til you'd fuck me on your special day.
• Hoarding boners and gobbling chode from a bag of dicks on your special day.
• Celebrating your tiny vagina and daddy complex on your special day.
• Wishing you writhing, rhythmic orgiastic pleasure on your special day.
• Dreaming of marking your womb with my seed while listening to race music on your special day.

Age of Aquarius Texting Acronyms

As the new world order takes root, and we transition into the dawn of a new astrological age, it is imperative that our linguistic evolution mirrors the burgeoning social, spiritual, and psychological shift currently taking place. So, I've taken it upon myself to START the ever-so-important conversation around developing chat acronyms and texting shorthand to reflect this change. Please feel free to contribute to this conversation as you see fit, while also tacitly acknowledging you are contributing to the betterment of the lone planetary species that is both defined and limited by its prodigious language capacities.

WAAO: We Are All One
WAAOCEIS: We Are All One Consciousness Experiencing Itself Subjectively
SWL: Sending White Light
SWHL: Sending White Healing Light
HSFYE: Holding Space For Your Emotions/Experience
HSAVY: Holding Space And Validating You
VYE: Validating Your Experience
FPAN: Feeling Pensive And Nostalgic
SOTI: Smiling On The Inside
NDIA: Nodding Demurely In Agreement
FTBYC: Feeling Triggered By Your Comment
AYFWL: Admiring Your Facility With Language
WPYVDII: Well Played. Your Verbal Dexterity Is Impressive
JYUTGOC: Judging You Under The Guise Of Consciousness
IDTQMPA: Inhaling Deeply To Quell My Passive Aggression
SAYLOSA: Smirking At Your Lack Of Self-Awareness
NOTRMA: None Of This Really Matters Anyway