Sir Elton John, however, is having none of this.
In a tersely worded, yet melodic, statement released in anticipation of these findings, the self-described “Rocket Man” cited a general lack of family-oriented resources and frequent inclement weather as reasons to question the use of discretionary funds to pursue life on the Red Planet.
“Mars ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids,” said the five-time Grammy Award winner and 1994 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee. “In fact, it’s cold as hell.”
Independent research confirmed the singer-songwriter’s latter point: the temperature on Mars drops to -220 F in the winter.
John, a 2004 Kennedy Center honoree who has sold more than 250 million records career during a career spanning over 40 years, also wondered if irregular access to educational facilities and child care would cause concern for parents should they decide to migrate to Mars.
“There’s [just] no one there to raise them if you did,” said the longtime LGBT champion and AIDS activist.
In response, NASA experts called John’s credentials into question, a fact the Crocodile-Rocker-turned-dilettante-space-explorer conceded, “All the science, I don’t understand. It’s just my job five days a week.”
Despite his staunch opposition to any planned migrations to Mars, John said he would participate in celebrations honoring such an historic scientific achievement. In fact, former cocaine addict pledged to end his 20+ years of sobriety to mark the occasion of a Martian touchdown.
"I’m gonna be high as a kite by then," he said.
NASA experts, meanwhile, would not offer a definitive timeline for when humans could begin the immigration process. When asked to comment on a potential schedule, U.C. astrophysicist Dr. Ronald Herschmiller said, “I think it’s going to be a long, long time.”
"I’m gonna be high as a kite by then," he said.
NASA experts, meanwhile, would not offer a definitive timeline for when humans could begin the immigration process. When asked to comment on a potential schedule, U.C. astrophysicist Dr. Ronald Herschmiller said, “I think it’s going to be a long, long time.”
